she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
