I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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