dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize