i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
