Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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