Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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