I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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