You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
