Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
