I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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