I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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