there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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