he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
