how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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