Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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