You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
