Sponge bath it is.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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