He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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