And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
