I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
