You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
