Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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