Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
