I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
