I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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