Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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