Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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