honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If that was your dad, he is hot
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude i'm inner monologue high
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
