I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
