the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
