i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
