i don't want you to think of me as your TA
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize