I can text with my tongue
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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