I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
