I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
