Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
