You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just had sex on a roof
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
