im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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