it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
