Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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