Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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