fuck your aforementioned shoe
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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