i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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