just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
