somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize