If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
