Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
