I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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