I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
