You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
