Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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