Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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