Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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