birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you made out with another girl for some wings
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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