they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
