i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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