o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
