well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
