Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
