haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
