is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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