Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
