the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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