thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
