i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
