Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
