Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize