i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
