do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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