just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
