Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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