So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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