I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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